Monday, June 14, 2004

insult to injury

Watching la debacle last night, Mrs treasure said something which seems so glaringly true that you wonder why nobody noticed it before. England players are, taken one with another, appreciably uglier than those representing abroad.

You haven’t seen Germany, I said. No, that’s the haircuts, she replied. And besides, it’s not just the faces. England look sort of wrong, physically speaking.

She was right. It was the second half. As we watched, England put together a rare attack. It looked like a squadron of flying cheeseburgers out there, galloping up the pitch. What you might call the Gazza archetype – homo Gazza – was well represented - long, thick torsos with short stumpy legs. Either that, or long and bony, with what looks like half a dozen elbows. Up north, it was all pie heads, moon faces and Easter Island foreheads.

This probably explains the adulation given to Beckham. He’s the only normally proportioned one out there wearing the three lions.

And this isn’t even a vintage crop of England players. Remember Peter Beardsley?